Pornography -- Nectarines or Stealing?

Inspired by my friend Jussi Ruokomäki's column on pornography, I am here republishing an article I wrote many years ago. It was published in a Christian forum and thus it includes Scriptural language that some non-Christians are perhaps unaccustomed to. But the central theme is universal, creed or no creed.

Pornography -- Nectarines or Stealing?

Someone once said, “God created time but man is the author of stress.” The same seems to apply to the distinction of sexual desire and lust.

Sexual desire, a beautiful and powerful gift from God, is one reason why lovers are joined and families established. Our perversion of it, lust, is one reason why lovers are separated and families destroyed.


Since you began reading this article it is probable that you either (a) belong to the vast majority of modern-day people who are infected with an attraction towards sex-words, or (b) you are battling the deceit of pornography yourself, or (c) know someone who is, or (d) any combination of the aforementioned.

It must be admitted at once that times today are highly unfavourable for those fighting sexual temptation.

Outdoors, “innocent” lingerie advertisements are on every street-corner, and indoors (after a few blocks’ walk), thanks to high-speed internet connections, any genre of pornography imaginable is just a few mouse clicks away.

Circumstances have also changed as regards the general outlook towards pornography. If you dare protest and challenge the status quo, you are often met with the murmur, like a monotonous broken record, of the beauty and legitimacy of “sex” and “art” and “freedom”.

One Christian author who was accused of harbouring “some Puritan prejudice against sex as something shameful” denied the charge. He wrote, “If I object to boys stealing my nectarines, must I be supposed to disapprove of nectarines in general? Or even of boys in general? It might, you know, be stealing that I disapprove of.”1

Nectarines, like sex and art and freedom, are all godly concepts. But that is obviously not the issue here.

The Effects of Pornography

Counsellors around the world speak in unison when they report the number of clients suffering from porn-addiction growing at an alarming speed. That is the first thing pornography does: it enslaves.

The symptoms of addiction are well known. With every gratification the satisfaction diminishes but the crave increases. The cycle leads to shame, helplessness, isolation, and eventually to despair.

The second thing pornography does is it distorts reality. By surgical and computer enhancement women are turned into something they are not, and by advertisement it is made sure that men develop a taste for the distortion. The sex industry – often also called, tragicomically, “adult entertainment” – is built on deception.2

The third thing pornography does is it destroys a woman's (often a wife's) self-esteem. This is not surprising considering the distorted model of a woman’s figure (and sexual appetite) that the pornography industry has conjured. But this only partly explains the wife’s anguish.

The other part is what one author calls “an affair of the mind.”3 The impact of pornography is similar to that of infidelity – and, as we will read later, according to Scripture, infidelity is its rightful definition. (And singles sometimes believe the fallacy that lust is left at the altar. It is not.)

Fourthly, pornography devalues sex. This is how a former porn-addict sees it: “Pornography provides a one-sided relationship [that consumes the] God-given energy that’s planted in us to move us towards … our spouse. Sexual release through pornography separates us from our spouse.”4

Relationships require more time, more energy, more commitment, more vulnerability, more trust.

Fifthly, pornography is expensive. According to statistics, pornography purchased by Christian men is most often destroyed within 24 hours after it has been viewed.5 (But in addition to great contentment, Christian men bring great fear into the heart of the pornography industry: they know that by pulling out our money we could severely cripple it.)

The list of pornography’s perils is endless. Pornography kills careers; pornography feeds organised crime; pornography destroys women in the sex industry; pornography may lead to other forms of sexual immorality; pornography addiction can be passed (fathers awake!) to the next generation.

Most importantly, pornography grieves the heart of God -- and kills a testimony. This we need to examine more closely.

A Biblical Perspective

I once read somewhere that the definition of “man” is “to be tempted”. We can cautiously laugh at this. It is important to understand that temptation is not sin.

Men are visual beings. Samson’s first recorded words in Scripture are, “I saw a woman … [and] she look[ed] good to me” (Judg 14:2-3). This may have been legitimate admiration of beauty. But when later we read that Samson went to Gaza and “saw a harlot there, and went in to her” (Judg 16:1.2) we know that “saw” meant “was tempted” and “went in” meant “lusted and fell”.

As regards pornography, sin begins the moment we wilfully decide to give in to temptation. We may be consoled by the fact that Samson, who “lusted and fell” several times, was eventually greatly used by God. Even David, who had a man murdered to cover up his sexual sin (Sam 11:22-24), was “a man after God’s own heart”.6

One man who – since the Apostles – has influenced Christianity more than any other, remembers his prayer of younger years: “Lord, give me chastity and continence, but not yet.”7

As we can see, “no temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man” (1 Cor 10:13a).

But let's not belittle Scripture’s warnings. Some of the strongest passages deal with sexual immorality. Here is one: “But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then when the lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when the sin is accomplished, it brings forth death. Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren.” (Jam 1:14-16.)

“Death?” I hear someone ask incredulously. On the question of whether or not salvation can be lost, we Christians are of different opinions. But as regards the particular sin being discussed, many deaths have been mentioned already. The death of freedom, the death of reality, the death of wives’ self-esteem, of marriages, of families, the death of finances, the death of careers, the death of individuals’ personhoods, the (ever increasing) death of Christian testimonies.

When we study this list it is perhaps not difficult to understand how pornography grieves the heart of God.

The most loving words in history were uttered by Jesus. But he could be equally frightening: “Whoever looks at a woman lustfully has committed adultery with her in his heart” ( Mt 5:28). We now understand the connection between pornography and infidelity.

But there is never justified reason for discouragement. There is forgiveness out there; and there is hope of victory. Before considering practical steps we need to acknowledge that temptation won’t go away. Our nature is corrupt and Satan won’t give up. After tempting Jesus, Satan left only to return at “an opportune time” (Lk 4:13).

Battling pornography – and battling sin in general – involves losses. Battles may be lost, but with Jesus the war campaign as a whole is glorious in victory. Though apart from God’s grace our efforts are futile, God’s will is that, by our will, we may participate in the campaign.

Virtue – say, fortitude against sexual sin – is not developed instantly. Virtue develops habitually. After each fall, get up, repent, and try again. And again. And again. Forever. Never give up.

Breaking the Cycle

Scripture is full of practical advice on how to decrease the number of falls. Job made “a covenant with [his] eyes never to look lustfully at a woman” (Job 31:1.2). If you sense that lust is near, look away. With pornography, lust is the starting point, so do not look at all.

Timothy was told to “flee from youthful lusts, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart” (Tim 2:22).This is a double-advice: it tells us what not to do and what to do instead.

We may ask, “What glory is there in fleeing?” Fleeing is standing firm. In fact, fleeing is often the most difficult – and thus most respectable – response to temptation. One priest put it this say: “Don't be such a coward as to be brave!”

If your stumbling block is late night television and your virtue (habit) of self-control is not strong enough, get rid of your television. Most likely a great source of distress is the internet. If you truly “need” it, if it is vital for your work and correspondence, have a powerful filter installed (by someone else).

We are bombarded from every direction, but there is much that we can do to defend ourselves. A key element is to understand what pattern of temptation-and-fall we go through, and then to take the necessary precautions.

“If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell” (Mt 5:29). “God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, that you may be able to endure it” (1 Cor 10:13).

Counter-offensive is equally powerful. The truth is that we are not immune to outside influence. But we can decide what we are influenced by.

Our mind, which is the origin of all actions, continuously entertains a number of thoughts. When it is full of thoughts, say, G, O, and D, thoughts S, I, and N will find it difficult to enter.

Paul told Timothy, “Pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.” This is exactly the point Paul is talking about when he, in his (confident and joyful) letter to the Philippians, concludes, “Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honourable, whatever is right, whatever is good, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things” (Philip. 4:8).

Bringing sin into the “light” is also vital for healing. Secrecy empowers sin. The “light” is God, yes, but it must also include Christian friends and family; perhaps even a counsellor. Knowing that one is not alone is consoling as well.8 Shame is a small price for freedom.


The anguish people who battle against porn-addition cause their loved-ones is great. But the anguish of the addict is immense. Family members and friends may want to remember that they can offer much-needed support by love and forgiveness.

Pornography users are both victims and culprits. Because they are victims they need support and love. Because they are culprits they need forgiveness. Forgiving is not condoning.

I hope that reading so far has fuelled the reader’s urge to fight relentlessly against pornography – firstly, in their own life, and secondly, everywhere else.


References
1. C. S. Lewis, We Have No ‘Right to Happiness’, paragraph 21. Lewis was, in fact, referring to adultery. He felt that “[e]very unkindness and breach of faith seems to be condoned provided that the object aimed at is ‘four bare legs in a bed’. It is like having a morality in which stealing fruit is considered wrong – unless you steal nectarines.”
2. Pornography is also often called “adult entertainment”. The actual etymology of the word ‘pornography’ is perhaps more revealing. Pornos, a Greek word, means “a prostitute and the sexual activity with such a person”, and graphe, also Greek, means “writing” and includes images. Another tragicomic new word is ‘gentleman’s club’. According to my Webster’s Encyclopaedic Unabridged Dictionary, a ‘gentleman’ is a “civilized, educated, sensitive, and well-mannered man.” Replacing strip joints with gentleman’s clubs is using an oxymoron.
3. Laurie Hall, An Affair of the Mind.
4. Henry J. Rogers, The Silent War, book 13, chapter 2, paragraph 3.
5. Henry J. Rogers, The Silent War, book 13, chapter 1, paragraph 17.
6. It is a horror to know that David nevertheless paid for his sin with the death of his child (2 Samuel 12:14).
7. Augustine, Confessions, book 8, chapter 7, paragraph 2. Augustine continues, “For I was afraid that you would answer my prayer at once and cure me from the disease of lust, which I wanted satisfied, not quelled.” Confessions is one of the first Christian spiritual autobiographies, and Augustine’s moment of conversion is one of the most well-known.
8. Actually, “not alone” is an understatement, as pornography addiction is already an epidemic.